Newsgroups: rec.games.roguelike.angband From: "Pat Gunn" Date: Mon, 09 Apr 2001 03:46:18 GMT Local: Sun, Apr 8 2001 10:46 pm Subject: Angband Humor News Brought to you by the Vecna Foundation, it's the Angband Humor News! And now, a word from our sponsor... ----- Have you ever had that not-so-alive feeling, and woken up to find your eye or hand missing? Vecna has. This poor undead lich is missing his eye and hand, and not only must he endure that humiliation, people are carrying them around and trying to kill him with them! To top it off, various adventurers have taken to taunting vecna, dropping the hand or the eye in front of him and watching him try to pick them up, only to fail because monsters can't pick up artifacts! If you want to help correct this situation, please contribute to the Vecna foundation's current efforts to convince a certain individual known as Darkgod to let Vecna have a special exemption from the no-pickup-artifacts rule for his hand and eye. ----- WANTED, Dead or Alive (preferably dead) -- the Sorceror 'Improv'. This heinous fiend is guilty of the following crimes, and is wanted in most cities across the middle earth: 24 counts of genocide 172 counts of second-degree murder of townspeople 2 counts of first-degree murder (Farmer Maggot, Gabriel) 4 counts of felony public nuisance (casting word of destruction within city limits) 47 counts of hunting without a license 35 counts of violating guild rules regarding sales of exotic weapondry 1 count of harassment (stacking broken sticks in front of the mayor's house) 2 counts of attempted murder (throwing potions of detonations into storekeepers' buildings after haggling went sour) This criminal is extremely dangerous, and is believed to be at level 48. Approach with caution -- he is armed with many strange magical items, and previous attempts to capture have failed. ----- Local news: Adventurer Hartmond the half-elven fighter was arrested today for felony drug charges. Police found a stockpile of mushrooms of hallucination in his home, along with potions of booze. Hartmond, while being dragged to jail, claimed that the items had been planted in his home by one of the many other adventurers that use it. While it is the opinion of this press that Hartmond was indeed responsible, this problem has come up before, as each town has at most one adventurer's home in it and it is hard to tell who is responsible for its use and maintenance. In Z county, some towns are experimenting with multiple homes for adventurers, with mixed success. This brings you the end of this edition of angband humor news