Newsgroups: rec.games.roguelike.angband From: "Pat Gunn" Date: Wed, 18 Jul 2001 01:43:42 GMT Subject: Angband Humor News (issue 2) Job board --------- Bree Morgue - Workers desperately needed. Compensation is portion of loot from bodies. Bring your own shovel. Contact Valo. Scribes - Needed to write parchements. Must be able to write Elvish and Draconic. See Liruvar in Lothlorian or Vlond in Minas Anor. Road Building project - Needed to finish road system in [Z]. Bring your own shovel. Arm yourself. Contact Torn's public works guild. Resurrectors - Needed to ressurect unique servants of morgoth. High level necromancers preferred, will train if neccessary. Contact Sauron. Good pay, dental plan. Police - Desperately needed everywhere, to combat frequent murders in town. Contact local guild of protection headquarters. *** NEWS ALERT *** Today in the school for wayward posessors, violence has broken out. Apparently, in Door Opening 101, the Baby Minotaur was accused of cheating while trying to open a door. Santa Claus, a first year student who has of yet not yet learned to open a single door, made the accusation, starting a fight. Frustrated passions of thousands of posessors, many of them unable to talk or open doors, led to fireballs and blasts everywhere. Riot police are still unable to enter the building, and the Philosophy teacher, outside, is concerned about damage to the infrastructure. --- Weapons shortage! According to the questors guild, the habit of recent adventurers to 'squeltch' items they don't want, destroying them, is leading to a severe weapons and armor shortage. Several interviewed adventurers claimed to have destroyed thousands of weapons apiece. It is believed that with the current number of adventurers, over 6000 weapons/armor are destroyed a day, far outstripping the ability of smiths to produce weapons. It is urged that adventurers leave weapons where they are, or more ideally bring them all up to the surface to help ease the current shortages. --- Forum: On Angels In 2 weeks, a forum will be held in a location TBA regarding the meaning of incursions of Angels into Middle Earth, and what it means to local religious groups.